My ADHD Diagnosis and Journey
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Hi. I’m Katie. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of thirty-three.
In March 2020, I – like so many others – ended up working from home because of the global pandemic. I was so excited to not have to drive in traffic to the office every day. It was a dream come true (not the pandemic part).
In the fall, the amount of work that was piling up on my plate was unbearable. I was working long days, at night, the weekends and even during my Christmas break (yes, I was working on my vacation). I wasn’t take care of myself. I was so stressed. So stressed. I was drinking too much. I was drinking to forget about work. I was drinking to remove the stress. I was drinking to “shut my brain off”. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, Zack and I were trying to buy our home. The stress from that was a rollercoaster.
At some point, I had removed all of the social media from my phone. I wasn’t talking to anyone. I was so angry at everything and everyone. I was crying all the time. I was blaming myself for every tiny problem.
In January 2021, I saw a tiktok (I don’t remember who posted it), but they were recommending the CBT Workbook for Perfectionism (Practical Skills to Help You Let Go of Self-Criticism, Find Balance, and Reclaim Your Self-Worth) for working on your mental health. I immediately researched it and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I am a perfectionist. A poor one, but I always have to do any project perfectly. And if it’s not perfect, then I’m triggered.
I bought the workbook and began my mornings by brewing a pot of coffee and working through a page or two of the book. I cannot tell you how much I cried thinking through some of the specific scenarios that it talks about. And then I cried so much more trying to remember events and situations in my past. I wasn’t okay emotionally from 3+ months of work stress, on top of discovering how perfectionism manifests in all parts of my life.
At this point, I already know that I am introverted, an enneagram type 4 (the individualist), and riddled with anxiety. And now I’m adding perfectionist. I needed to learn more about it so that I understand myself. Since I was only using Instagram for my socials, I started a search. I was learning what other people experience in their lives.
I was trying to lighten my mood by searching for memes. I was trying to remove all the negativity and shame towards my own self. Perfectionism memes. Good, right? In the results, I found a post that fit me a little too perfect.
And that begins my journey into self-diagnosing that I have ADHD. As I’m reading the hashtags on that post, yes #mentalhealthmatters is good, but what is #adhdmemes? There are some good jokes in there, but then I noticed this post from @the_mini_adhd_coach:
I dove into all the posts from that account. And it was a hard dive. It was clarifying and terrifying to me how much I related to almost every single piece of content they have. This was around mid-February, if you’re keeping track of the timeline.
I got out a notebook and started making a list. When I filled three whole pages with how my own experiences, I knew it was time for me to find a doctor. I logged into my insurance’s website and did a search. I tried to look for a local doctor that specializes in ADHD (I did not want to drive to Dallas, haha). On March 5, I made an appointment. But, I wouldn’t be able to get in until April 7.
I spent the month of March 2021 packing up our apartment because we bought a house.
The Job Accommodation Network describes an general individual with ADHD as follows:
Individuals with ADHD are often perfectionists and are hard on themselves. They have trouble setting personal boundaries like knowing when to stop working and they set unrealistic expectations for themselves. Someone who takes work home or stays late to finish work is often given more responsibility or a heavier workload because they appear to be able to get their work done.
And I love this tiktok from DNP Kojo Sarfo explaining what its like to live with adhd:
@dr.kojosarfo ADHD has many different faces! #adhdtiktok #adhd #adhdinwomen #anxietey #timemanagement
Why am I sharing now?
I am sharing my ADHD journey now because I want to be able to help someone else learn that they’re not alone. I’ve listed to a lot of ADHD-friendly podcasts to help learn more about my own brain.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Katie
